


unreal city

by orphan_account



Category: VIXX
Genre: Alternate Universe, Escort Service, M/M, Prostitution
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-13
Updated: 2015-07-13
Packaged: 2018-04-09 03:36:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4332339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"sex is only as personal as you make it. he's learned that long ago."</p>
            </blockquote>





	unreal city

**Author's Note:**

> [[song inspiration](https://soundcloud.com/hiatus/vapour-trail?in=hiatus/sets/unreal-city)] written for my girlfriend's 25th birthday

Wintry morning, wintry wind; cold all over with his scarf pulled tightly about his neck and mouth; a heavy scarf, dark grey with argyle stitching. He's on the train to work with his head down and his hands cradled in his lap like a beloved pet; fingers winding, unwinding; afraid to catch too many eyes all at once. He'd rather go unnoticed.  
  
He works at a call center, telemarketing; it's a lot worse than it sounds. Sat at a cubicle with a head set permanently glued to his ears, listening to insults, the occasionally nice customer; but usually a dial tone. People not wanting to hear what he has to say. Doesn't matter though, it isn't like he wants to talk anyway.  
  
Jaehwan sits across him, grey felt wall their only barrier; and he's always laughing, throwing paper footballs over the wall and cluttering Taekwoon's desk with trash. Hanging over the wall now with an unsettling bright smile this early in the morning, he asks: 'Have you talked to Wonsik yet?'  
  
 _Yet_ , Taekwoon thinks. 'No,' and he doesn't plan on it, ever.  
  
'He's really upset you didn't call.'  
  
'I never told him I would.'  
  
'Sure,' and he dangles his arms over the wall, fingertips brushing the back of Taekwoon's phone. 'but maybe you should explain it to him.'  
  
There isn't much to explain, but in the break room with a stale cup of black coffee, Taekwoon tells him, 'I'm sorry.'  
  
And all Wonsik can say is: 'If it wasn't going to mean anything, you shouldn't have done it.'  
  
It isn't that Taekwoon likes to play games, or hurt anyone; just that he doesn't like to get close. Sex is only as personal as you make it. He's learned that long ago.  
  
'You know, instead of sleeping with all our coworkers,' Jaehwan says over dinner that night, 'you could try.. other methods.'  
  
'...methods?'  
  
'Yeah. Escorts, call boys; that sort of thing.'  
  
'You mean prostitutes,' Taekwoon says softly.  
  
With a mouthful of food, Jaehwan shakes his head. Face pinched up; Taekwoon thinks he looks offended. 'No, they aren't the same. You pay for their company, but sex isn't a must. it's an option, but not a must.' Here: a grin, a little mischievous, a little annoying. 'But, in your case.. yeah, it'd be sex.'  
  
Taekwoon eats in silence, takeaway thai food Jaehwan picked up after work. being neighbors they eat dinner together quite a lot; but now he doesn't want Jaehwan there at all.  
  
'Look,' he starts, putting a hand over Taekwoon's, ignoring when Taekwoon pulls away, 'it isn't as bad as you think. I've had call boys before. There's a website you can use. They list all the things they're into; and even have pictures you can look through.'  
  
'That seems so..'  
  
'It's better than the alternative. I'm tired of hearing sob stories from, like, everyone we work with,' and he smiles again, a sad little twitch of his mouth. 'If you're going to use someone, at least use someone who wants to be used.'  
  
It's a week before Taekwoon thinks seriously about Jaehwan's offer, and another five days before he asks for the website.  **boyvibes.org** ; he has to laugh, otherwise he might scream. Jaehwan's with him, sat on the arm of Taekwoon's desk chair; practically buzzing with excitement; talking so quickly his words all mash together.  
  
'It goes by age so you can pick how young or old you want them; then they list the things they'll do, and what they don't like.' Hand on the touchpad, he's scrolling too fast for Taekwoon to see all the features he's talking about; but whatever. He'll figure it out on his own. 'There are the boys who like to be wine and dined; then those who like the whole.. Dad thing, if that's what you're into.' He winks.  
  
'...ew.'  
  
'Those who'll watch movies with you, those who like to make movies,' another wink, 'then the regular boys who'll come over, finish you off and leave. I think you should pick-- what?'  
  
Taekwoon with his mouth parted, breath caught in his throat. 'When the hell did you get into this stuff?'  
  
'Don't talk shit, hyung.' Shifting to sit in Taekwoon's lap, because he knows how much it pisses him off, and because he knows he can get away with it, Jaehwan pulls up ten different tabs with a boy displayed on each one.  
  
He ends up picking a boy named  _binnie_ , and after realizing he doesn't have to use his own name; files the request under  **Jung Leo**. He sets up the meeting for the upcoming weekend; gives his address, knows he has to pay cash, in full; and that there aren't any discounts.  
  
The rest of the work week is spent with an unpleasant buzzing just beneath his skin; and a tightening in his gut that begins to hurt. He's lying on his couch come Friday night, staring at the water stains from the apartment above; Jaehwan on the floor with the television on.  
  
'Don't be so nervous, hyung. It's not a big deal.'  
  
'What if he's a psychopath?'  
  
Breathy laugh as he says, 'I think you'll be able to handle it.'  
  
-  
  
Turns out Binnie is, in fact, not a psychopath; he's not even remotely strange. He knocks on the door at 8 o'clock sharp with a grin in place and hair draped over his left eye. He has a blue bag slung over his shoulder, white sneakers he toes off by the door; and with clothes that aren't the slightest bit promiscuous, he looks like an ordinary boy Taekwoon could run into anywhere.  
  
It's almost disappointing.  
  
'Hi,' he says cheerfully; but when Taekwoon shakes his head, he snorts a laugh. 'Hello. That better?'  
  
Taekwoon nods.  
  
'Big on formalities, then?' he lays his bag on the coffee counter, pulling a thrift store bar stool up and under him; sitting with his legs tightly crossed; he looks delicate. 'Do you wanna get started?'  
  
Taekwoon doesn't know where to look, so he stares at the floor. 'I don't really know what I'm doing.'  
  
'No one ever does,' and he's smiling kindly with his chin in his hand. 'you look scared. Is it your first time?'  
  
'First time for what?' he really shouldn't be as offended as he is. So he retreats and mutters, 'I'm not scared.'  
  
'Come sit next to me, then.'  
  
So he does; pulling up a stool right beside Binnie and holding his breath when their legs touch.  
  
'We can do anything you want,' Binnie says. 'we can watch tv; or order pizza, play a board game, I don't care. Or,' and he trails a finger up Taekwoon's arm, 'we can just talk.'  
  
'No,' He shakes Binnie's hand away. 'sorry, I just, ..no.'  
  
'Oh,' and it's as if he understands something now, something Taekwoon doesn't even understand yet. 'that's fine. You can fuck me now if you want.'  
  
'— _what_.' a squeak in his voice that makes his cheeks burn; lump in his throat like he's been caught doing something he shouldn't. 'No, I don't.. I don't know if I wanna do that.'  
  
Binnie laughs. A gentle little sound that shakes his whole frame. He reaches a hand into the back of Taekwoon's hair; and rests his chin on his shoulder. 'You have to relax. Otherwise it's gonna be weird all night,' So he leans in and presses his mouth just behind Taekwoon's ear; trailing his lips down until he's mouthing at his pulse. Tip of his tongue drawing circles against his skin, and Taekwoon: with his heart in his throat and an ache between his legs.  
  
He feels Binnie's hand move from his hair to his shoulder, then down his spine to settle at his waist. It's before he can get his fingers up the back of his shirt that Taekwoon wriggles away.  
  
'What's in the bag?' he asks, a little desperately.  
  
'My toys,' Binnie whispers against the shell of his ear.  
  
Hard swallow, loss of breath. '...toys?'  
  
'Didn't you read my profile?'  
  
'I guess not.'  
  
'Toys are my specialty.' He giggles faintly, moving his face into Taekwoon's neck. 'Wanna see?' but already he has the bag in one hand, working the zipper open. He tilts it so Taekwoon can look inside. 'Go ahead.'  
  
He's shaking when he puts his hand in the bag, closing his fingers around the first thing he touches; which happens to be a pair of fuzzy white cat ears with a matching collar. Small noise at the back of his throat, he puts the ears back. There's a vibrator the size of his wrist; and three different colored blindfolds. A pair of fuzzy handcuffs; as well as a full metal pair.  
  
'You can sneak out of the fuzzy ones,' Binnie says with his chin hooked on Taekwoon's shoulder. He points to the metal handcuffs, 'but you can't get out of those without the key.'  
  
Even deeper into the bag there's a cock ring, and something called a fleshlight; a vibrating egg that Binnie takes from him and whispers, 'If you put this right against my perineum--' Taekwoon silences him with a finger pressed to his mouth.  
  
'You talk too much.'  
  
Bottom lip between his teeth, blushing faintly; he takes Taekwoon's wrist between steady fingers. 'I won't talk at all if you don't want me to.'  
  
'..Jesus, are you always going to talk like that?' He rubs at his eyes, trying to hide behind them but then Binnie's coming closer; smiling against his cheek.  
  
'Tell me what you want.'  
  
'Coffee.'  
  
He stifles a laugh, covering his mouth with the back of his hand. 'Yeah? alright. I can make you coffee.' He's almost too at ease going through Taekwoon's kitchen, finding the things he needs without looking too hard; and standing there, constantly smiling, hands on his hips, leaning on the counter and touching Taekwoon's hands when he's trying to curl into himself.  
  
'Leo-nim, can I ask you something?'  
  
'Okay.'  
  
'Why did you call me in the first place?'  
  
Mug in both hands, mouth pressed to the rim; Taekwoon mutters a quiet, 'I liked your smile.'  
  
'No, I--' brief pause as if surprised, 'I mean.. if you didn't want an escort, why did you get one?'  
  
'Seemed like a good idea at first, but now I, I feel bad. I don't wanna treat you... like this.' Hands that were holding his coffee now empty as Binnie takes his mug and sets it aside; and it's really too sudden how fast he crawls right into Taekwoon's space, hands on both sides of his neck.  
  
He doesn't kiss Taekwoon on the mouth but rather on his jaw, then his cheek, and the edge of his lips; but never fully on them. His fingers are laced into the back of his hair, faint scrape of nails against Taekwoon's scalp and a shiver working its way down his arms.  
  
'If you want to be nice to me,' he whispers, 'then be nice. But don't feel guilty about it.' He nuzzles his nose into Taekwoon's cheek, hand on the nape of his neck. 'You can touch me if you want to, but you don't have to. I can touch you, but I won't if you say no,' and moving his mouth to Taekwoon's ear, taking his lobe between his teeth. 'or i'll touch myself, and you can watch...' he doesn't miss the way Taekwoon's shoulders straighten, or the soft tremor in his hands as he puts them on the small of his back.  
  
'Is that what you want?' Binnie asks.  
  
Choking out a strained, ' _Yes_ ,' Taekwoon's grip hardens around his middle. He carries him to the couch, pleated and worn from so much use; the cushions sink beneath their weight as Taekwoon lies him down, shifting between his legs; hand pushed up the front of his shirt.  
  
'I can't put on a show with you on top of me,' Binnie laughs out; and wriggles free. 'do you have a pillow?'  
  
And five minutes later he's lying on his back with his pants off and a pair of brief shorts tight around his thighs; lying on the living room floor with his bag beside him. Taekwoon doesn't answer when he asks which toy he wants him to use; and so hands find something familiar: the vibrator. he presses it between his legs, toes curling instantly; and Taekwoon: sitting on the couch with his knees apart, fingers steepled and covering his face, hiding everything but his eyes as he watches Binnie's hand dip into the front of his underwear.  
  
He's practiced, it's very obvious; the way he rolls his hips; how he arches his back; even his face is contorted into something beautiful and sultry; mouth open in a silent  _oh_  as his hands wrap around the base of his cock. He never touches his rim, or pushes the vibrator into himself; rather rolling the tip against his inner thighs, pressing it to his perineum and gasping out as he must feel something good. Taekwoon's left silently groaning to himself, cock strained against the front of his jeans; his mouth is dry, his fingers are shaking; and really it's reaction when he slides off the couch and onto his knees, crawling across the short space between them.  
  
He touches Binnie's thigh, and feels him trembling; he touches low on his stomach and sees the muscles flexed there. he leans in and sucks a bruise against his collarbone just as Binnie wraps his arms around him.  
  
'Do you have lube?' but he's already searching blindly through the bag, feeling a cold bottle of something toward the bottom; and so very carefully, very gently, Taekwoon slides two fingers into him, surprised by how easily they slip in without an ounce of discomfort on Binnie's face. but then again: he's already wet, and hot and open to be fucked; Taekwoon has a hard time biting back his moan.  
  
'Don't fake it,' he mumbles against Binnie's jaw; and the silence that follows is a welcomed one. Eyes trained on his face, sensitive to every reaction, he curves his fingers, and Binnie starts to shake; hands fisting the back of Taekwoon's shirt as he lifts his hips; a deep moan falling from his mouth.  
  
Taekwoon's three fingers in, three knuckles deep, with his thumb against his perineum; fucking him hard enough that his wrist begins to ache; but it goes unnoticed for Binnie's cursing now, sweat on his forehead as he presses his opened mouth to Taekwoon's cheek and whispers hoarsely, ' _fuck me please._ '  
  
But Taekwoon won't, because he doesn't have a condom; and his legs are trembling too hard to carry him to the bathroom to find one; so instead he kisses his way down Binnie's chest, his stomach; biting hard at his hip until he hears him hiss through his teeth. Then taking his cock into his mouth, sucking hard on the tip as he tastes the precome already coating his shaft. Taekwoon takes in as much as he can until he feels the tip heavy against the back of his tongue; hollowing his cheeks, working his fingers.  
  
Binnie has both hands in his hair, pulling hard, pulling painfully; knees hooked over Taekwoon's shoulders as he holds his head in place. His hips thrust, he fucks his mouth; and all the while he's whispering filthy things with a sob attached to the end of each plea.  
  
Then quietly, he's choking out, ' _hey, hey-_ -' but he's breathing too hard, Taekwoon can't hear him; but he does hear when Binnie softly moans his name; and he feels when his hands tighten in his hair; whole body going still, taut, abdomen flexed and his thighs trembling so hard they're vibrating over both of Taekwoon's ears; and when he comes, he comes hard, coating the back of his throat and whimpering apologies even though his hips are still thrusting, and his grip in Taekwoon's hair won't let up.  
  
'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry,' whining with his hands covering his face; but Taekwoon can only laugh as he hangs his head, wiping the back of his hand over his mouth. 'I never do that,' and he cups Taekwoon's jaw; pressing a kiss to his cheek. 'god, it's gross, isn't it? I'm  _sorry_ \--'  
  
Laughing gently, he works an arm around Binnie's middle. 'It's fine, I don't care.. much.' Cheek to cheek with Binnie's mouth near his ear, he can hear his soft whimpers, tiny little sounds that maybe he doesn't realize he's making.  
  
'Let me take care of you,' he says a bit breathlessly, hands moving to the front of the others jeans; but Taekwoon's quick to push them away.  
  
'No, it's alright,' and ignoring the look he gets, kisses the bridge of Binnie's nose; he doesn't know how to explain that he's already come in his pants. 'maybe you should get your clothes on.'  
  
Then to the door with Binnie shifting awkwardly from one foot to the other as Taekwoon takes four notes from his wallet, asking, 'Is this enough?'  
  
'Too much, actually.'  
  
'Keep it as a tip, then.' Hand on the back of his neck, a bitter taste in his mouth; and the need for a cigarette clawing at the inside of his throat. 'Thanks?'  
  
'Sure,' and out into the hall, down two flights of stairs; gone, gone.. leaving Taekwoon leaning against the door frame with an unpleasant feeling left in his chest.  
  
-  
  
It's a slow train ride home from Leo's flat back to his own, slow and tiresome and his legs are still trembling, even as he climbs the stairs to the third floor. He's beginning to think they're never going to stop.  
  
Sanghyuk is on the sofa when Hongbin comes in. He drops his bag in the hallway closet where it will stay until the next client calls, and falls onto the sofa with an audible groan.  
  
'Good night?' Sanghyuk asks, eyes never leaving the magazine in his lap. He has a bowl of cereal in his hands that he doesn't fuss over when Hongbin takes a bite.  
  
'Really good.' He leans his head to the back of the couch, feeling an ache form in his backside; and a fluttering of butterflies that won't stop beating around in the core of his stomach. 'This guy fucked like a champ. I don't understand why he needed to call someone like me.'  
  
'Maybe he's a creep.'  
  
'Maybe.' Wetting his bottom lip, pulling it between his teeth; Hongbin covers his face with both hands, groaning loudly. 'I hope he calls again,' and with his face hidden, eyes shut, he misses the worried look that passes over Sanghyuk's face.  
  
'Just be careful.'  
  
Four days later and there's a number popping up on Hongbin's phone that isn't entirely foreign, but not quite familiar either. He answers with a cheerful, 'Hello!' and is happy to hear Leo's voice on the other side.  
  
'I need you this Friday. My boss is having a christmas party and I can't go alone.'  
  
'You want to take me to a party?'  
  
'Yes. Please wear something nice.'  
  
So he buys a new sweater, white and thick and a little long in the arms. It fits nicely, makes his shoulders look slimmer and his neck longer. Topped off with a red scarf and black pants, he thinks he looks pretty damn good.  
  
It's the first time in a while Hongbin can remember trying hard to look nice for a client.  
  
Up the two flights of stairs to Leo's apartment, knocking softly on the front door; Hongbin nearly yelps when the door flies open and Leo's hand comes out, holding hard onto the back of his neck. He's dragged in with his feet barely touching the ground, backed against the kitchen wall with Leo's mouth, warm and wet, devouring his own.  
  
'Let me fuck you before we go,' he says quietly.  
  
They don't even make it to the bedroom before Hongbin's clothes are thrown over the couch and he's clawing at the front of Leo's jeans, desperate to touch him; to hear what kind of noises he makes when he's got his cock in someones mouth. But he doesn't let Hongbin suck him off; instead he pulls him on top of him with his thighs spread, legs already starting to shake. If Hongbin wasn't so turned on, he may have been embarrassed.  
  
He rides Leo until he comes with a cry, red finger marks left in the flesh of Hongbin's thighs; and he knows they'll bruise come morning.  
  
In the car with the heater on, he trembles; and he doesn't think it's from the cold.  
  
'Do you want to be my date, or my boyfriend tonight?' Leo asks with a smirk.  
  
'Date is fine,' though he wouldn't mind hearing  _boyfriend_  for once.  
  
Charming smiles and firm handshakes all around; he introduces himself as Binnie and bows to those kind enough to bow to him. He's handed a pink drink that tastes faintly of vodka, downs it in two gulps before collapsing on a sofa in the back of the office. Leo curls up beside him with his arm around his shoulder.  
  
'Thanks for coming with me,' he says. 'I hate being alone with these people.'  
  
'They seem nice.'  
  
'Sure. If you don't have to work with them.'  
  
It's always a little strange to stomach the small talk after the fucking, but Hongbin likes the way Leo talks, how his hand grips Hongbin's shoulder when he's particularly excited about something. He learns Leo once studied Literature in college before dropping out and ending up in a telemarketing firm; but he says the pay is good, and that's good enough for now.  
  
'Maybe i'll go back,' he says with a cup of beer partway to his mouth. 'but maybe not, who knows.'  
  
He makes Hongbin a drink and asks if he wants to grab something to eat when they're finished here, even though it might be late. 'I'll pay you extra if I have to.' But at the mention of money, Hongbin's appetite deflates.  
  
'Who's that?' he whispers in Leo's ear, discretely pointing to a boy who won't stop looking at him.  
  
'Uh, that's Jaehwan. He's the one who showed me the website, actually.'  
  
'Oh..' Hongbin hates that he blushes, almost as much as he hates Leo for calling his friend over who seems more than anxious to shake Hongbin's hand. Fifteen minutes later and somehow they've ended up alone together on the sofa: Jaehwan sat on the arm rest with Hongbin next to him.  
  
'It might be the wrong time to ask,' Jaehwan starts, 'but do you have a rule against escorting current clients' friends?'  
  
'Do you mean you?'  
  
Wide grin as he nods. 'I don't think Taekwoonie hyung would mind, but--'  
  
'Who?'  
  
'Taekwoon.. -- _shit_ , I mean Leo! Leo hyung. I said Leo.'  
  
Hongbin forces himself not to smile. 'You should probably ask him. But as for me: no, I don't have a rule against that.' but he makes mental note to not answer a client under the name Jaehwan any time soon.  
  
They're outside each with a cigarette in his mouth as Jaehwan explains why there's a boy with white hair burying his face into Leo's chest.  
  
'He isn't an ex-boyfriend since they never dated, but they slept together,' and the thought of Leo touching someone the way he touched Hongbin brings a pain to his stomach he hates immediately.  
  
'Are they still sleeping together?' he asks through a mouthful of smoke, trying to be indifferent but coming off as everything but.  
  
'No. That's why he called you,' and here: a smile. 'he kept ruining all his friendships.'  
  
 _so it's only a sex thing_ , Hongbin thinks, and mentally hits the heel of his hand to his forehead. it's always been a sex thing. Who said it wasn't?  
  
But on the ride back to the apartment when Leo reaches for Hongbin's hand, palm to palm with their finger entwined, the butterflies begin fluttering once again.  
  
-  
  
'I want you to read to me,' Leo says two days later. he hands over a thin book of poems by a man named Richard Siken. 'It isn't very long, but if you can't make it through all of them, we can save it for next time.'  
  
 _next time_  is all Hongbin hears.  
  
Leo sits on one of the bar stools with a fresh cup of coffee in his hands as Hongbin settles on the couch. He crosses his legs and discards his coat somewhere to the right of him.  
  
'It might be late when i'm done,' he tells Leo. 'I don't know when the train stops running, so you might have to take me home.'  
  
'I can do that.'  
  
So he reads each poem carefully, slowly, unsure how to read poetry in the first place, but he tries his best; and they're all so sad that it makes Hongbin's chest feel a little tight, his head a little numb. He wonders why Leo wanted him to read such heartbreaking stuff.  
  
He's in the middle of one particularly sad stanza when he hears the creak of the bar stool: Leo rising to his feet. He looks up, but is immediately told: 'Don't stop reading,' so back to the book, back to the poem with his palms becoming sweaty.  
  
Leo drops to his knees in front of the couch, one hand on either of Hongbin's knees. he allows Hongbin to stop only long enough to tell him to spread his legs; so he does, and a fire begins in the pit of his stomach. The last thing he expects is Leo's arms to wrap around him; and for him to lay his head against Hongbin's chest, but this is what happens; and completely embraced in Leo's arms, Hongbin thinks the poems sound even sadder.  
  
He's still reading when he feels the flat of Leo's palm cover the front of his jeans, when he hears the jingle of his own belt buckle being undone. His voice catches in his throat when Leo forces his jeans off his hips, letting them rest low on his thighs.  
  
'Don't stop reading,' he warns again before pressing his face against his crotch.  
  
Hongbin finds it hard to keep his voice even, to stop from breathing so hard as Leo starts mouthing at the head of his cock; fingers playfully dipping beneath his waistband. it's complete reaction that has Hongbin dropping the book onto the couch and fisting two handfuls of Leo's hair; whispering a sudden and regretful, 'Taekwoon,' into the quiet apartment. Maybe he says it because he fucked himself the night before muttering the same name when he came, but as it slips from his mouth now, he feels his stomach drop.  
  
'...where did you hear that?' Leo asks, all surprise and narrowed eyes.  
  
Chewing the inside of his cheek, Hongbin mumbles, 'I'm sorry.'  
  
'Where?'  
  
'At the party.'  
  
As Leo looks away, thinking things that Hongbin wishes he could hear, he says: 'If it makes you feel any better my real name's Hongbin.'  
  
'Hongbin?' he relaxes with a smile. 'That's cute.'  
  
'Thanks.'  
  
'I'm gonna call you that from now on.'  
  
'Only if I can call you Taekwoon.'  
  
'Deal,' and as he leans in to press a quick kiss to Hongbin's mouth, Taekwoon orders him to keep reading.  
  
They fall asleep on the couch together, curled up impossibly close; but at 3am Hongbin startles awake, reaching instinctively for Taekwoon's shoulder. 'Hey, I have to go home..'  
  
Taekwoon's up and off the couch before he's even awake, stumbling as he steps into his briefs. he keeps mumbling apologies as he tries to dress himself, rubbing at his eyes and smoothing his hair. 'It's late, isn't it? Did you have anything else to do tonight? I'm sorry, Binnie.'  
  
Hongbin wants to tell him:  _that's not my name_ , but lets it be.  
  
And parked in front of his apartment complex, trying to find the courage to brave the cold wind outside, he feels a tap on his shoulder; finds a wad of money being offered to him.  
  
'You always give me too much,' he says bitterly.  
  
'I kept you all night.'  
  
'But you didn't do it on purpose.'  
  
'...Binnie, please take it--'  
  
' _I don't want it_ ,' instantly regretting the rise of his voice. 'sorry,' and hiding his face in his hands. 'I'm tired.'  
  
'You didn't have to leave,' Taekwoon mumbles as he lays the money in Hongbin's lap. 'If this happens again, stay until morning.' but Hongbin's too afraid they're different people when the sun is up.  
  
-  
  
Nine days without a phone call and Hongbin thinks he's really going to die. but when his phone lights up at six in the morning that Monday, he's reminded why he's stopped taking other clients.  
  
'Come over tonight? At seven.'  
  
And it's 7:20 when Hongbin's being lifted onto the kitchen counter, moaning into the crook of Taekwoon's neck. he grinds against the flat of his hand; wearing only his underwear with a growing wet spot on the front.  
  
Taekwoon says, 'My sister's getting married this weekend. Be my date to the wedding?'  
  
'Okay. But only if you buy me flowers.' It's a joke, but a few days later Taekwoon shows up on his doorstep with a bouquet of something blue. 'Really?' and Hongbin thinks he loves him for it.  
  
They're both wearing suits, not quite matching; but matching well enough that people know they're there together. And it's nice, Hongbin thinks, to not be introduced as Binnie, but as himself.  
  
At the bar with a drink in hand and Taekwoon's mouth pressed to his ear; Hongbin sighs, and becomes boneless against him.  
  
'Do you wanna dance?' isn't what he expects to hear, but he's smiling anyway.  
  
It's something slow and sweet that gives him the excuse to wrap his arms around Taekwoon's neck; to lean his cheek to his shoulder and pretend they're a normal couple—pretend they're a couple at all.  
  
'Are you gonna take me back home with you after this?' Hongbin asks, real curiosity but maybe a bit of desperation as well. 'I don't have anything planned for the morning, so you can keep me all night.'  
  
'Yeah?'  
  
'You won't even have to pay for it.' he doesn't know why he says it, but he does; and he has to look away because Taekwoon won't stop staring at him. Look to the stage, look to the crowd; Taekwoon's hands somehow heavier on the small of his back, warmer too; leaving him on fire.  
  
Then the music's done and he's pulling away, pushing gently at Taekwoon's chest with an uneasy smile tilting his mouth upward.  
  
'What?' Hongbin asks, but he doesn't actually want to know. so quickly adding, 'I want a smoke.'  
  
Taekwoon puts the filter between Hongbin's lips, lights the tip of the cigarette; probably would have smoked it for him too if he could. One hand lingering on Hongbin's cheek as he inhales deeply; slow exhale, and a wave of smoke rolling over Taekwoon's face unnoticed.  
  
Taekwoon has a cigarette of his own, but he's hardly smoking it; sat on a short cement wall facing each other, he rests his hands on Hongbin's thighs; their knees touching.  
  
Staring, so blatantly; and smiling when Hongbin scoffs at him. 'You look really great tonight.'  
  
'You're only saying that to get in my pants.'  
  
Here: a laugh, so subtle and cute; Taekwoon's face a light shade of pink; and he still won't look away; it's becoming unnerving. Hongbin wants to shove him, wants to make a joke; but then there's a boy standing beside them, and it's really weird having someone linger like that.  
  
Taekwoon jumps up too fast, clips Hongbin's knee and they both stumble off the wall. 'Sorry, sorry.. Hakyeon-- what are you..' and he's moving away, leaving Hongbin alone with a cigarette he doesn't want anymore.  
  
He hears Taekwoon say, 'I didn't know you were coming.'  
  
'I called you to tell you, but you didn't answer.'  
  
Then they're too far for Hongbin to hear; and he's not particularly fond of being left in a quiet courtyard, and not particularly careful of hiding it. He crushes his cigarette, arms hugging himself as he walks back to the reception. Dense room suddenly crowded and stuffy, alone in a sea of faces he doesn't recognize, will never recognize; won't be a part of anytime soon. So he leans his back to a bare wall with a fresh drink in hand, ignoring the glances shot his way.  
  
Ten minutes of this and he feels awful.  
  
To the hallway, back to the courtyard, peeking out the wide windows and finding Taekwoon still talking with Hakyeon, too close for Hongbin's comfort. He doesn't Like Taekwoon's hand on Hakyeon's shoulder, or the way their heads are tipped together; he doesn't like that Hakyeon looks upset like someone forgotten; and he thinks:  _I understand that feeling_.  
  
Into the bathroom, staring in the mirror and hating himself for the pressure in his chest and the ache in his joints. He covers his face with both hands, pulls at the skin beneath his eyes and feels the prickle of ashamed tears.  
  
'You're too smart for this,' he tells his reflection. 'you can't fall for clients, that's not how it works. You're too smart for this,' and he scrubs at his face but it doesn't will the tears away.  
  
He finds Taekwoon some time later, it feels like an eternity; but maybe not. He shies away when his face is touched, when his hand is taken and Taekwoon says, 'Sorry about that.'  
  
Hongbin tries not to say, 'He didn't seem very happy to see you,' but says it anyway, because he wants to know who Hakyeon is; and if he's someone Taekwoon's still close to.  
  
He laughs softly at that. 'Yeah, haven't seen him in a while. I don't think he'll ever be happy to run into me.'  
  
'Why's that?'  
  
'We had a thing. Long time ago, don't worry about it.'  
  
Hongbin  _is_  worried, but not so much over who Taekwoon's sleeping with or not sleeping with; more so because he wishes he would only sleep with him, because he hates thinking Taekwoon was ever close to anyone who wasn't him.  
  
It's all so messy.  
  
'Can you take me straight home?' Hongbin asks in the car. They're parked at a red light with the windows cracked as Taekwoon smokes.  
  
'Are you sure? I thought you wanted to come back with me.'  
  
'No. I changed my mind.'  
  
'Alright,' and was he annoyed now? Hongbin doesn't care enough to think about it.  
  
Outside his complex and he's being offered another stack of money, and he hates how thick it is this time. Taekwoon's payment keeps rising even though no one's asking him to pay more; but in the end, Hongbin takes the bills and holds them like something dangerous.  
  
'I don't think you should call me anymore,' he says as he opens his door. 'a lot of clients like having different boys, you know, to.. keep their interest. and it really isn't smart to keep requesting the same person.'  
  
'Why are you telling me this?'  
  
'Because it's been a while now. Maybe it's time you find someone else.' He ignores the hurt so openly displayed on Taekwoon's face. 'I know someone. his name's Hyuk and he's really nice. I can give you his number--'  
  
'I don't want him.'  
  
'Well..' and a lump is in his throat he has to swallow away. 'It's that I feel bad. You're giving me a lot of money when you don't have to and I--' he stares at the bills. 'I don't want it,' and lays them on the passenger seat. 'I just don't want your money anymore.'  
  
'But...' pained eyes, pained face; Hongbin has to stare at the ground instead. 'It's your job.'  
  
Not what he wants to hear.  
  
He closes the door without saying a word, walking as quickly as he can without running; but Taekwoon's already calling his name and telling him to wait, hand on Hongbin's wrist that yanks him so hard he nearly falls.  
  
'You can't get attached!' and as he shouts, his voice breaks. Clearing his throat, wiping at his face; he hates himself more today than he ever has. 'When's it gonna stop, anyway? in 3 months, or 6? I can't sleep with someone that long and, and--'  _not get hurt_ , 'be comfortable.'  
  
Taekwoon asks, 'Who even said I'm attached?' and the shock must be written all over Hongbin's face, because his expression changes; softens, and he's reaching for Hongbin's hand, saying: 'Binnie, wait--' but he's already leaving.  
  
'Don't call me,' he yells over his shoulder; and once to the stairs: runs, so Taekwoon can't catch him.  
  
-  
  
Hongbin turns his phone off; takes the battery out and puts it in a kitchen drawer. Lying on the couch with his face in the crook of his elbow, he tells Sanghyuk: 'I wasn't careful.'  
  
-  
  
 _'...please leave a message after the tone.'  
  
'Don't ignore me, please. Let me take you out again, at least once more so we can talk about this. Really Hongbin it's alright that you like me or whatever it is, because I care about you too. I thought that was obvious but.. I don't know. Just call me back.'_  
  
-  
  
 _'It's only been five days, but i'm fucking drowning. I **have**  to see you. I can't  **not**  see you again. At least one more time. I won't pay you, I promise, I'll never pay you again.'_  
  
-  
  
 _'I miss you.'_  
  
-  
  
 _'You k...know what? It's .. so shitty—so .. shitty why are you--'  
  
'Hyung, who are you talking to?'  
  
'I wanna see you so badly I'm gonna, my fucking heart is gonna  **burst**.'  
  
'You're drunk, hyung, turn the damn phone off.'  
  
'How's it so easy just to, like, to throw me out?'  
  
'For fuck's sake, Taekwoon--'_  
  
-  
  
 _'Sorry about that.'_  
  
-  
  
 _'Hongbin, I love you.'_  
  
-  
  
Two days later, Taekwoon stops calling.  
  
-  
  
 _You're being ridiculous_ , he tells himself as he takes the stairs, one at a time; pacing himself, going slowly. _He probably didn't even mean it_ ; and brushes his hair out of his eyes, feeling the pressure of tears against his throat, feeling hopeless. _He was drunk, and now you're drunk; you'll make an ass out of yourself._  
  
But still Hongbin knocks when he reaches Taekwoon's door; tired head leaned to the door frame, shoulders sunk forward. He'd fall if he didn't have a good grip on the wall.  
  
It's a quarter past two; he feels like an idiot, and even more so when the door finally opens and Taekwoon's standing there, half asleep with a swollen face and a blanket about his shoulders. Still, Hongbin slouches forward, small steps carrying him right into Taekwoon's arms; open arms, firm chest; and the blanket now wrapped around the both of them as Taekwoon hugs him.  
  
Hongbin whimpers. he hadn't realized how cold he was.  
  
'I quit my job,' he mumbles into Taekwoon's shirt. 'I haven't taken a new client in.. I don't know, a long time.'  
  
'What, because of me?'  
  
'Yeah. So you better really love me.'  
  
It's only a second later that Taekwoon's wrapping his hands around both of Hongbin's thighs, pulling him up and around his waist as he presses his back to the kitchen wall.  
  
'The bedroom,' Hongbin says; and there, with Taekwoon between his legs, naked shoulder in Hongbin's mouth and his nails digging into his back: they fuck differently this time, not really fucking at all. It's a slow pace, almost teasingly so; and it drives Hongbin mad. His thighs trembling, toes curled; he arches his back just as Taekwoon takes his thighs into his hands, bending him in half; and slipping deeper into him.  
  
Hongbin comes with a moan that sounds more like a sob, and maybe his eyes are a little wet; but he won't let Taekwoon see.  
  
He falls asleep with an arm draped over his middle and a chest pressed to his back; he can't remember the last time he felt this warm. And when grey morning light filters through the bedroom window and Hongbin is still there wrapped in both Taekwoon's arms, he knows it's gonna be alright.


End file.
